No place left to hide

I've had nightmares the past two nights and it's freaking me out.

The first, I'd rather not talk about but let's just say it's not too difficult to work out its genesis as people have been RUINING my denial mantras by discussing my ex on facebook and making these discussions appear in front of my eyes where my eyes INSIST on reading them. Stupid facebook and it's stupid smug facebook face needs a good face punching and needs it fast. Thinks it knows what's best for me by sending me email notifications about stuff I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT. I guess I could turn these notifications off but that would mean logging on to facebook which leaves me with a vague feeling of self-disgust at the best of times. But anyway, icky dream with obvious characters being icky I can work out. That's fine. But the second dream is horrific BEYOND BELIEF*.

I was having a normal, fairly enjoyable dream. Sex had been involved at one point. It was nice. It bordered on lucid without it being completely lucid which is the best balance I can have as my lucid dreams make me more exhausted than when I went to sleep. After a bit of adventuring through the streets of not-London-but-London (you've had dreams, you know what I mean), I found myself walking along in a shopping centre with my mother and suddenly a flock of pigeons flew towards us (this would normally be bad enough on it's own but wait, there's more). She ducked and pulled her jumper over her head and, for whatever reason, this made me the target of the pigeon's wrath and they attacked my lower back with their ugly pigeon beaks (!) and then wouldn't let go (!!!!!) despite me trying to beat them off as best I could. I had to wake myself up to get out of that one and my back really hurt. It felt like I'd been pinched loads of times and every time I've closed my eyes since then I've felt the pigeon beaks grabbing hold of my back fat and refusing to let go. Leaving me to ponder, WHY DOES MY BRAIN HATE ME? This is what it conjures up when I'm not there to keep an eye on it. You've got pigeons (my mortal enemy), pain, and back fat. The three things I would rather live without were I given the choice. I don't even get where the pain came from, I was sleeping alone on a soft mattress. I'm not even a princess so, even if there were a packet of Birds Eye Petit Pois underneath aforementioned mattress (and I'm obviously not ruling that out), sleeping on top of them wouldn't cause me to bruise my delicate princess skin. Because I'm not a princess (just a bitch).

I wouldn't mind so much were dreams not one of my favourite things ever. I love going on dream adventures, or watching my dream movies (I have seen both There Is No Blood and Milk in my sleeping head before getting to view them at the cinema), or getting to have dream sex (I seem to have quite a lot of dream sex. My dream brain is even more of a slut than my waking brain). My dreams are always really vivid and I always remember them really well. It was one of the few joys I have left in life. And now I can't even close my eyes without feeling like a pigeon has a chunk of my lower back clamped between it's pigeon jaws.

The pigeons have invaded my dreams. There is no place left to hide.

* Not to be confused with 'Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction' presented by 'Commander William T Riker'** aka Johnathan Frakes
** I swear on Paris Hilton's chihuahua I had to look that name up. But then, if I'm honest, it was just to double check he was a commander and not a lieutenant so maybe I'll just shut up.