Paws for thought

There are times, such as this one that is happening right now and has inspired this blog post, when I wish I could just put the world on pause for a week and let me catch up with life. Like the way Zach Morris did in the early Saved by the Bell years when he would place his hands in a 'T' formation and the world would stop and he could escape whatever immediate danger he was in (detention from Mr Belding, a punching from A.C. Slater, a feminist lecture from Jesse Spano*. That sort of thing). Speaking of which, wasn't it weird that all of a sudden this power was stripped from him and he was left with only his wisecracking to protect him and never mentioned or referenced again? Come to think of it it was around the time that the lame-ass magician guy that ran the diner (the proto 'Central Perk' of the early 90's) disappeared (thanks gods. 'Here's you burger... aaaaand here's a fake bunch of flowers I just pulled out of my sleeve!' 'Um... Can I just have the burger? Thanks'**) so perhaps he had something to do with it? Otherwise maybe Zach just realised the potential of such power and would time-out off-cam to get a look at Kelly Kapowski's breasts at opportune moments. Before the slut was giving it away for free anyway. Obviously. It's like the old saying goes: 'With great power comes great responsibility... to look at Kelly Kapowski's tits'. (I not saying that Zach was a sex pest but I am basically saying Zach was a sex pest).

It wouldn't surprise me if that was true. The whole point of that show was that if you are a bit of a douche and constantly make your best friend feel like a loser then everything will turn out ok. You know, aspirational-slash-educational telly. The best kind.

Anyway, the point is that life keeps on going even when you are trailing behind and lying on the sofa eating minstrels and packet upon packet of Tuc crackers waiting to feel better about yourself and never really managing to. It won't stop. I just need a minute or two to catch my breath and get on top of all these bits and pieces that I've let fall by the wayside recently. Everyone else continues whirling around doing the things they do and I've spent the majority of May mired in my own misery (alliteration ftw). Not that it's important stuff I need to catch up on; it's just that I've got too many books to read, too many films to watch (What's Up, Doc?, A Star is Born, Beetlejuice and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls are all clogging up my skybox at the moment. I'm going through a retro-camp phase), too much writing to catch up on, too many Zac Efron cross stitches to complete. I just can't seem to find the time between sleeping, working, and eating to do these things. A month or two ago it was all too easy, I had lists and plans in motion. Tick boxes were ticked, rectangles were knitted, books were completed, stories were written. Now it escapes me. I drag my heels and watch everyone else disappear into the sunset. The temptation to give in and sit on a grass verge and watch the clouds go by is all too strong. But maybe that's exactly what I should be doing. I've done everything I can to stop myself thinking too much recently and I suspect thinking is the one thing that should be top of my list.

Basically, I don't know. I'm 26 and clueless. At least Alicia Silverstone had Paul Rudd to keep her going. I haven't even got that.

*I cannot remember the chemical symbols for anything other than water and silver but can remember the names of the protagonists from the Saved by the Bell cast. This is my cross to bear.
** Oblig. Gob Bluth quote: 'but how did the lighter fuel get up there?'
[Side note: I really hate magicians, and jugglers, and children's entertainers that make balloon animals. It's the nerd version of the hot girl claiming to be bisexual just because she thinks that makes her a little more interesting and dangerous. It doesn't. You're still an idiot whether you're snogging other girls in clubs in front of a group of Neanderthal men or wearing a jazzy waistcoat and doing card tricks. However hard you try the layers of idiocy cannot be covered up with such obvious distractions. Science.]