The thing is this: I would totally wear all the outfits Betty Suarez has had on this season.
Back in the day, the day of yore, a time when we were all a little more naive, our instincts were a little less developed, a new campy fun show started and it was called Ugly Betty and I looked a lot like the title character. I had long dark hair and glasses and I was a bit goofy and chubby and wore... let's say 'unconventional' outfits. Not like, Edie Beale unconventional but just, a few clashing prints here and a hint of quirkiness there. Nothing that'd make you throw up in your mouth necessarily but it might have made you pause for a second before shaking your head and continuing your journey. And even then, only occasionally did I put together something that would have shown up on your 'weird radar' (weirdar, similar to gaydar but for weird).
Before a show called 'Ugly Betty' I hadn't really thought about all of this too deeply but then a show called 'Ugly Betty' did exist and she did look like me and we both did dress a bit queer and I did think about these things.
Then I kind of got on with it.
However, today I realised the thing. The thing that means now Betty has become the master and I the languishing disciple. You see, before, Betty used to dress like she was a mental patient who had twirled round and round in her wardrobe and whatever stuck itself to her body was what she decided to wear that day. I employed a similar system myself at one time. It was tragic. Very slowly, (and I'm not sure if this is a deliberate sort of 'just as Betty wears off on the fashionistas, they have started to rub off on her' type thing. It would be awesome if it was. The right path always tends to lie somewhere in the middle of two diametrically opposed viewpoints) Betty started to get a sense of style. Not a style that fashionistas would be thrilled with but a street style of her very own. The sort of thing that could show up on either the 'Do' or the 'Don't' pages of Vice (I can never tell immediately if it's supposed to be on one page or the other, it's best to just accept their ruling regardless. A logic is employed on some level but it's not a level I'm familiar with). However, whereas I toned down my outfit choices so that I now feel 85% happy with the clothes I own and have (dresses mainly) for every occasion('1920's tea party in spring' dress, 'a day at the races' dress, 'showing off my boobs' dress etc etc) Betty has learned how to layer and to mix and match so that the point at where we both started - the point that makes the tragedy makers cry - I have become duller and she more vibrant. Whereas I could previously see that if she just wore a slightly different scarf or a heel with that skirt or burned the sweater vests to the ground TO THE GROUND (for the love of God burn the sweater vests to the ground Betty) she now puts these outfits together with ease. She knows the right scarf to make the outfit go from 'mentalist' to 'trail blazer'. As I say, the student has become the master.
That doesn't sort out the problems this show has with being unable to decide if it wants to be preachy about 'beauty is on the inside' etc etc (bullshit, btw) or is in fact in love with looking good (hint to the show writers: we all are. Don't fight it). Or the fact that Betty is supposed to be strong and smart and ambitious but still has the same job she did two years ago. (Why isn't she a staff writer by now? She could still look after Daniel and be jealous of his new assistants and have all the hilarious japes she does now just a little further up the ladder. Writing change is writing life, writing statis is... just a bit lame. I demand character development!) Or the fact that Gio was the best bloody thing that ever happened to her and she treated him like shit. But Betty dressing the way she does now, compared to how she did before makes me feel like my fictional little girl on a show that doesn't in any way relate to real life has all grown up. Betty did gone and make mama proud. And also a bit jealous because now I think everything I own is boring. Goddamn you Betty and all your hot love interests. Anyway, I just got a bit nostaligic so let's journey through time and space and have a look at how our ugly duckling became a no-less-ugly-but-slightly-less-insanely-dressed swan...
Betty Suarez's Hall of Fashion: An illustrated journey from fugly to style icon
Picture 1: DIE SWEATER VEST DIE. What's weird is I find them incredibly erotic when worn on boys. I think this just gives me flashbacks to what I would oftentimes end up wearing as a charity shoppe enamoured school girl.
Picture 2: I actually quite like the dress but why the jumper underneath. The Betty of today would wear a clashing pink or maybe green cardi and a printed belt and make that look work *snaps fingers*. The Betty of then just wanted to make her arms look fat for some reason.
Picture 3: This would work if the hat was black and a bit slouchier (she looks like a Constance Billiard reject) and either:
- her dress was plain; but it would have to be black which isn't very Betty, OR
- her coat was plain; a lush green would work but I would rock a military gray just to be on the safe side due to my tendency to err on the side of caution.
As it is she looks like she's been doing the mental patient twirling thing I referenced earlier.
Picture 4: The exact point where our axises interject. These days I wouldn't wear something like this but I wish I DID have the balls to do so. If you take this apart then the sweater vest must burn BURN TO THE GROUND, the tights are so 16-year-old-me-wishing-I-had-thin-legs it's unreal, the belt is something I would pick up in the bargain bin at Claire's and briefly consider buying before putting it down again and leaving empty handed. But I genuinely think this outfit works when it's all put together. Helped by the fact the dress is insanely kickass (but if I bought it I would have such trouble accessorising it, it would never end up being worn).
Picture 5: It would not be too hard for me to go put together a similar outfit right now from the items in my own wardrobe. Including the red belt and flower doobry.
Picture 6: I crave this outfit like I crave Tuc biscuits. Deeply and endlessly.
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