He has been there for more than a month. Every now and then a juicy fly will attach itself to his web and, before I know it, the juicy fly has gone ('it's flown away again sazz, don't worry' 'you sure he's not eaten it?' 'yeah, i'm totes sure [snigger]'). It hadn't really concerned me until a day or two ago when I suddenly allowed the thought to enter my brain: 'what if he got inside?'. To put this into context, and so's I can use an insanely cute picture of my nephew (that's his 'but I was playing with Garfield and now you've stopped me and I hate more than even I can conceive of' face), Mofo lives here (behind the aforementioned Garfield with but one pane of glass separating us):
Like, literally, *just* there.
Before, there was no threat. Now I am terrified. Nothing has changed, he hasn't actually moved but a vague external by-proxy fear is now a different kettle of fish altogether. Shit just got real. And all because I allowed my thoughts to wander.
In theory, I COULD move him but this is no ordinary spider. Bitch is MASSIVE. Like bigger than some of your worst nightmares.
Bigger than Godzilla [picture to scale]
Bigger than Jeff [picture to scale]
"When you gotta go, you gotta go"
Bigger than SHIRLEY! [picture to scale]
[All pictures to scale]
No way I'm touching that thing. Not just because he's bigger than me but I'm scared of the sort of retribution a creature that size may well reap upon me whilst I slumber. It is clear that if you never hear from me again there's only one logical explanation: A spider ate my brains.
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