Burn the witch: A short play.

'I think I have this thing that other people have said they've got and now I think I've got it'

'Hypochondria?'

'Jackie, who came for dinner on Sunday, says when she tries to put her face in water she can't get fully submerged. Her bottom just lifts up as she tries to go under so she can't get under water by herself properly'

'Right'

'And that's a thing that I think I've got'

'Being too buoyant for water?'

'Right'

'I'm not sure that's a thing mum. Sounds more psychological than physiological'

'No! It is a thing. Her husband just sinks when he goes diving but she needs to wear weights'

'Uh huh'

'You don't believe me?'

'I'm just figuring out how best to tell you that this kind of means you and your friend Jackie are witches. That's how they test for it'

'You are so mean to your pretty mommy'

'I know'