Oblig end of/start of year reflective post

The last year has been the biggest pile of shizer I've experienced since records began. I hated it and myself for most of it. Though it started off all nice and in head-over-heels love it went rapidly downhill from about on January 1st... And just kept getting progressively worse from that point on. (Really, when you think things can't get more stressful or dramatic God lols heartily and likes to prove just how silly you are. THANKS GOD! 'No problemo Sazz!')

What's worse is that I actually said things like 'he's the only one that's ever really understood me' (WITH MY VOICE! TO OTHER PEOPLE!) which is cringingly embarrassing now I've started falling in love with my friends again. And they are pretty kickass. One of my resolutions is to continue recognising that and to see as much of those peeps as I can (partick the ones that I have not seen enough of in recent months/years). Bros before hos you know?

Enough of that icky lovey dovey shit.

I stand at the edge of 2010 a changed woman. Like, for one thing, I can refer to myself as a 'woman' unironically. That's a change. For seconds I'm actvively trying to untangle all the threads that have been tangled up for so long and making it difficult for me to like myself and do right by myself. It's sort of daunting in a way that makes me feel like throwing up if I stop and think about it too much (like when you start learning to drive and think you'll never be any good -- some of you aren't btdubs -- because it's too stressful learning everything at once and having to be aware of all the other stuff going on around you that doesn't stop just because you're new to it and you make mistakes and some people are annoyed but you keep at it cos of independence! and awesomeness! That's what this is like) but I think I just have to keep chipping away and getting those uncomfortable tummy feelings and letting myself feel those feelings. It seems important in a way I haven't been able to quite articulate yet. Regardless, although I don't know what is going to happen within the next 365 days I'm going to take a good go at it nonetheless. Three months ago being plucky and determined were not emotions I could have imagined experiencing ever again. That's another change.

NEWAYS! Whatevs! I just simply MUST catch up on my correspondence...

Dear 2009,
Boo you whore. You sucked. Good riddance. Etc.
Love
Sazz x

Dear 2010,
Please don't be as lame as 2009. I am not joking about this.
Love
Sazz x

Happy new year everyone! Continue being awesome and remember you're perfect just as you are even if they try and convince you differently.
xoxo