Weird Love

Being in a relationship is weird. I mean, it's not probably for you. You 'normals' who are well adjusted and didn't wait until you were 19 until you had your first proper kiss. But it's weird for me. For the person who has been eternally single for most of her adult life.

I say that and in other way, the way where I remove the 'relationships whaaat???' glasses, and put on the the 'just hanging out wid yo' shortie' glasses and it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Like, this person, who is so much fun and so interesting to me -- I struggle to remember what life was like before him despite only having known him a few months. He's very quickly become my best friend. I can say anything (anything!) to him and it be okay. He doesn't squint and turn his head sideways or raise his eyebrow and sigh. He doesn't shake his head and change the subject. He just listens and responds and makes me feel like I'm not an insane person for the thoughts that run through my head (this works in the short term at calming me down but I do tend to always come back to the indisputable fact that I am actually an insane person for a large portion of day - though, in fairness, that portion of the day is diminishing with every passing week) (it's now more like 7 hours a day rather than 12 or 13).

I can share my thoughts about this all being a trick he's pulling on me - that he doesn't mean the words he says to me or writes about me. My thoughts about whether it's too coupley to sign a birthday card from us both and what other people will make of it. My thoughts regarding whether I'm a rubbish girl for not having a relationship timetable -

Him: '...and yeah this other girl at work, who's 22, was talking about how she and her boyfriend are moving in next year, then in two years they'll get married, a year after that they'll start a family'

Me: 'Oh. Wow.'

My brain: 'You're a rubbish female. You should have all this planned out already. You plan everything else out!'

Me to my brain: 'While those ideas as a general abstract are fine, and planning a holiday or a trip to the theatre is fine, when you start making me think I need this major life overhaul shizzle pinpointed down I start feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack'

My brain: 'AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE RUBBISH AT BEING FEMALE'

Him: Everything all right? This work chat isn't boring you is it?

Me: Not exactly...

I know that there are plenty of people who have got my back should I ask for assistance but this guy has it without me ever having to ask. I feel like we're the most awesomest team I've ever been a part of (though in honesty, belonging to teams has never really been my strong point). I'm so content at the moment, I feel so comfortable and relaxed with myself and with him. And that's all a bit freaking weird.

It's sad that that's weird right?