Saturday, 20 October 2012

What's better

I saw two films tonight that have made me all thinky in my mind thoughts.

Firstly, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I guess my main take from that film is that isn't it so much better to be in the freaks and geeks crowds when you're young? My fun, their fun, came from creating this whole little universe of joy from the things I/they were passionate about. Isn't that better than the crowds whose fun came from feeling superior to others and making people feel bad for being themselves? I often wonder if the sluts and gays and weirdos and clever intense people freak everyone else out because they don't require the same sort of validation that the insiders need? They just are who they are. I got told by my tutor at college yesterday that she can see me working with young people because I have this unique sense of style and dress so differently but its something that I'm obviously completely comfortable with. That sounds really shallow typed out but it did mean something to me, and I got exactly what she was trying to say. I always felt like an outsider, but rather than yearn to be on the inside I slowly but surely created my own little world here where I stood. Which means I get to be myself completely. I like connecting with people wherever they stand as well, but especially the ones that feel they don't fit. They will always always have this great little perspective on the rest of the world and, if they are lucky, will get to create a place where they feel totally at home just being them. No expectations, no judgements, just somewhere they can have fun being themselves.

The second was Ruby Sparks. This made me feel so much better about being a 'quirky' girl (see above) that is also real. The two male characters have a conversation at one point about how one of them has created this girl that is not real. Her flaws just make her more adorable when in fact real women are flawed because they are human, not because it makes them cuter. The example was that his wife is amazing and he loves her entirely but sometimes she's just really mean to him for no reason. I do that. I am so mean to my boyfriend for really, genuinely, no reason. I don't think it's because I am a mean person, I think it's just because I am a human person. I got it into my head for a while that my boyfriend only wanted 'good' Sazz. The one who is funny and caring and wears cool clothes. He didn't want anything to do with 'bad' Sazz who takes things too personally and is selfish and doesn't bother to shave her legs. But there is no 'good' and 'bad Sazz. There is just Sazz. And more of the time than not she does alright. Ruby Sparks made me feel like that's ok.

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