Would Like to Meet

I totally joined match.com.

Stop looking at me like that.

So, you know how I was in love and all googly-eyed and annoying? Well, yeah, my heart has been smashed into a thousand tiny pieces like everyone predicted it would be (though in an infinitely more fucked up way than anyone could have imagined). I mean, there's been no official announcement or conversation to this effect but when the last words you say to someone are 'if you're going to throw up do it in the toilet or the bin but not on the floor' and stalk off to your hetero-life partner's pad to knit and watch movies instead of looking after the person doing the spewing then that means it's over right? And when his last communication with you is 'I may die' via a text message, that's basically the selfish alcoholic version of 'you're dumped btw' right?

Right.

Tip of the day: Do not fall in love with terminal fuck ups, however tempting it may be and however much it may piss off your moms.

So yeah, less than a week later I joined match.com. Too soon? I don't care. I want to be over this debacle quick smart and, ironically, the eternal single gal found out something really rather odd... I like being in a relationship. STOP PRESS! I mean, I didn't like the whiny, self-pitying, selfish aspects of my last partner (apparently that comes with the territory of being an alcoholic-in-recovery-oh-whoops-not-so-much) but I did like the snuggling and the sassing. I did like sharing all my deep dark secrets and the long conversations about nothing. I did feeling like I might burst when I hadn't seen him for a while and then the release when we were together again.

So sue me. I know I'm a total girl.

I want that again and I want it to last.

I have to say the whole internet dating thing (the entire day I have devoted to it thus far) is a little depressing because I just don't think I'm going to find someone I fancy and respect and love and want to be with as much as I did the other guy but I've sent some funny emails and had some in return. That's never a bad thing. I'm doubtful as to whether I'm actually going to meet anyone though. For one thing, my other coping strategy in times of woe is making endless lists and tick boxes for those lists. I have too much stuff to do. Like knitting rectangles (it was supposed to be a scarf but I made it too wide and it's too narrow to be a blanket so... I'm knitting a rectangle). This is important work I have to do here, completing arbitrary tasks for the express purpose of ticking a box. Someone has to do it, might as well be me.