Facts

If, by a curious twist of fate, your biological mother and father happen to be stood in a kitchen at the same time and there is a jar of balti paste on the counter that is OVER A YEAR OLD they will both insist 'it's fine!' (repeatedly) and then argue about who gets to keep it when you make the point that you're not now, nor ever, going to consume that product (that is OVER A YEAR PAST IT'S SELL BY DATE).

It is a wonder I even survived this long, let alone survived and turned out this awesome.