This guy

Oh christ, this guy.

He's like everywhere. He haunts my dreams.

When I drink water, which I do, I'm not knocking the water drinking, but when I do drink water (FROM A TAP - who am I, Scrooge McDuck?) I rarely get a camera crew to film me doing it. And even then, even without the camera crew, I'm not all nonchalant about how normal and fun and refreshing it is to be drinking water. I drink my water and shut the fuck up (and then I drink your milkshake, I drink it up).

And yes, I know he's an actor paid to perform some lines written by some Non Draper guy (I'm totally copyrighting 'Non Draper' btw) with a faux-hawk and an increasing cocaine addiction, but why does he have to perform them so annoyingly? It's particularly grating because their last ad campaign had a talking volcano and a dinosaur called Tyrannosaurus Alan. That's the kind of shit I can can get behind. (Or at least smirk to myself whenever it comes on and never admit to anyone that I've been so easily manipulated by advertising when I reach for a Volvic water bottle in the queue at the petrol station when I wasn't even thirsty in the first place). I ain't impressed by some hipster loser who works in a restaurant and takes his breaks OUTSIDE so he can DRINK HIS WATER (?!) with his overly relaxed talking-to-camera demeanor and patchy facial hair and hairstyle that was last popular around the time Kurt Cobain was blowing his brains onto a wall.

Which is maybe something this guy needs to consider. That's all I'm sayin'.

Tip of the day: Do not get me started on the Orange cinema adverts.