MyZombie

Visiting myspace now is visiting a relic of ye olde times gone by. It's like wondering through the streets of Pompeii or ducking in and out of the Pyramids - this is how we used to live it says isn't that strange? Yes, you reply (to myspace) (I don't know why you like talking to the internet so much and I've been meaning to tell you - it makes you a little weird) it is strange. What once was a thriving community full of top 8 battles and ever increasing pride at one's comments reaching into and beyond the thousand mark (really, these things used to seem important, not to me obviously, but to a... erm... friend of mine. Called Bazzlalish. Bazzalish is crazy) is now dead. No one comments, no top 8s change. The facebook bomb went off and left it stuck in 2006. It's eerie because everything looks the same as when you left it, the only tip off that the world has moved on is that you can see where the weeds have started to grow up between the cracks in the pavement. People referencing Howling Bells and being in awe of Heroes (no one is in awe of Heroes anymore. Let's be clear on this). It's the cyber-equivalent of Chernobyl (and that actually works quite well because facebook is just as dangerous as - if not more so - a soviet nuclear power plant. That is science and the science is tight). It depresses the hell out of me, not because I miss myspace (I am nearing 27, I might happily spend an afternoon making up voices of fluffly penguins for my nephews enjoyment - and my enjoyment. Ok, you weedled it out of me. Congrats - but I have matured sufficiently to care not about social networking anymore. Much) but just as a reminder of the past. That ol 'nostalgia/you were a loser' dynamic rearing it's ugly head once again. Proustian rushes of you sat for hours following the conversations of people you didn't even know because they were friends of a friend of a guy that you spoke to once in a One Stop and had spent 13 hours of your life tracking down in the virtual kingdom of myspace. Facebook doesn't really allow for this level of cyber stalking to take place. You are able to more easily view conversation threads but only of people you KNOW. And who gives a shit about them? (Kidding guys, kidding. Sorta). You can't sniff around a person's friends to find out more about them, you can't find out what happened when that girl's friend snogged her ex boyfriend when he already had a new girlfriend and GOD! she was mad! How could they! But oh they were sorry and now, 2 months later, it's all fine again and do you guys want to go to the pub tonight lol?

Oh it was the best. Nipping in and out of people's lives without them ever knowing you were there. A thief in the night stealing a glimpse at their diary that they kept open for other people to read and allowed their friends to write in and probably knew, to some degree, that people they'd never met was reading all along.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, what is it a girl has to do to work up a good stalk nowadays? Clearly I'm going to have to invest in one of these. That is if I could ever be bothered to leave the house.

[Post Script. Oh god. I just realised that if I ever put half as much energy worrying about myself as I do about other people I'd be like, a gazillionaire by now and be flying on my private jet to Tahiti to meet Chuck Bass and discuss our wedding plans. This is disturbing to me but not enough for me to make any radical changes so let's let it slide.]