Something in my eye

As of Saturday my brother is abandoning me to return to a seat of learnin' and give himself a fighting chance at getting a nerd job just like how's he's always dreamed of. It totally sucks and let me tell you why: I will miss the fuck out of him. My brother and I have always been pretty close in that, even if he weren't related to me by blood, I think I would still like and respect him just for being a pretty rad individual. We have not always seen eye to eye on shit but you need people in your life that you can fight with and argue about stupid stuff in Prague 90210 bars with and still want to hang out with them because they're fun to be around.

Remembering what our relationship was like as children falls into two categories B.S.S and A.S.S (oh my god I am lolling so hard right now. That was a totally unintentionally hilarious acronym but also totally appropriate when you learn what it stands for which you will any minute starting from now): Before Step Siblings and After Step Siblings. When I was nearly 4 my mother gave birth on the kitchen floor* (yes, really) to this gross little bundle of splotchy red arms and legs. That is my first memory of him. Tenderly walking up to my mum, and seeing this thing in clutched to her bosom that earlier that morning had been inside her belly. (Does it make me less of a woman to admit pregnancy actually really disgusts me? It is disgusting). For the next four years it is difficult to hold on to a firm memory without me thinking I've just made it up from a photo I saw but for the most part I remember thinking he was annoying. I do remember sometimes I would bite myself and show my mum and say he did it just to get him into trouble (what a cunt!). To be fair, she gave him the most love and affection (that continues to this day. The family dynamic in Almost Famous cuts a little close to the bone you know?) so bitch pretty much deserved it. My parents divorced when I was 8. My little brother was by now 4 and he was still annoying. The memories from this point become a little clearer. I can see us playing Subbuteo, making up games where we were pirates and had to go around the house collecting 'treasure' (read: Kit Kats), playing Super Mario Bros on Super Nintendo (this might be the sweetest memory of all). But, for the most part, this annoyingness he had displayed earlier in life continued unabated. Then at 12, without much warning, we had to band together in the face of adversity - my step father's onslaught of offspring.

I don't want to be all 'oh woe is me' and shit but Serious: Woe is me AND SHIT. For reals. Still, it did mean my brother and I had to learn how to be on one another's team. Because, whereas before we had been the ones at war, now there was an outside threat. Forming an alliance was the only logical option. As such I don't really know anyone else who is as close to their siblings as I am to my bro (NOT IN THAT WAY. God you are disgusting). Most people seem to tolerate rather than actively like their siblings but Bear, as sappy as it sounds, is actually one of my best friends. I can pretty much tell him anything and he is one of the funniest people I know:
Me: 'This music teacher lesbian affair thing is well dodgy'
Him: 'But... she's a woman. But... she's pretty hot' (this is kind of an ongoing inside joke used whenever a hot woman does something untoward but it was niiice to finally see this used in the exact right context. It made me Lots of Love very much). AND he listens to my rants when I'm super annoyed about something (or just stands there looking awkward, either way - it helps). I know the last year has been hard on him what with not being able to find a job and all but I think it's actually been the best thing for him as a person. Doing volunteering has made him a lot more sociable and likable and I'm really proud of the kickass person he's turning into. Anyway, yeah, he's my bro and he's spesh and shut up ok? I've just got something in my eye is all.

*Oh my God that rhymes. Awesome. Will be submitting to Harry Hill's Poetry Corner forthwith.