Alone in the cafeteria

Social incompetence in action.

Tuesday 4 October 2011

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Posted by sazzalish at 09:01

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Labels: blogging, lols

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sazzalish: I devote most of my time to figuring out what the phrase 'keeping it real' actually means. The rest of my time is spent keeping it real.

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'what could I possibly have to find annoying' actually it was adoaa aka most scariest movie I've ever seen alec baldwin makes me sweat All of these thoughts ran through my head non-ironically and I laughed every time and that makes me stragely proud and while you're at it put a shirt on animals do the darndest things any excuse for a Simpsons quote eh? art shit n that as in I need some as it happens at least I've got a good one now at the very least audience participation autophilia awkward social situations ballet movies bdays being a lady being a weird control freak being in love makes me like looking at pictures of other people in love beware beyonce bisexual stalker bitches all up in here bitchery bleugh lovey dovey shit blogging boyfriends bros but I kinda like it but jesus the ones that have gone before but seriously though but that's not really a problem per se california dreams can I play the piano christ i worry about my friends sometimes christmas time and shit chuck comedy community is the best to be fair to Louis conundrums conversations with my mother cookies fortune cool beans craft crazy bitches are the best bitches cupcakes damn straight DANGER. CONTAMINATED AREA. dangerously high levels of emo date rape dating advice dawing realisationsoh shitdoes this make me Greta Gerwig because I'm mostly fine with that depression didn't get home till 10pm distancing oneself from engaging with others doctor who Does fretting about it mean I am bitter? dogs dorks dowager countess ftw dr spaceman duncan james lookalikes embarrassment is a dick enforced personality labels even in my fantasies I'm still a loser everyone needs a hobby everything cool is weird to you people existential angst fashion faux French feminism finger keys? forts gary lucy's hair geek shit getting yo' shit together giddy excitement girl crush girly love stuff good job I'm only making him go to the opera then google maps gossip girl got there in the end guess who's back (no it isn't slim shady) gurus all up in this place hackneyed insight Haha as if hangin wit me bitches he even made it rain purple rain high times homophobia hopes and dreams how can something so wrong feel so right how dumb do they think we are? how else am i to stay this pasty? how to guides human beings I am awesome at buying relevant goods i disgust myself i enjoy my jokes a lot more than anyone else ever does i hope (and know to be fair) our relationship is nothing like theirs though I kicked a giant mouse in the butt do I need to draw you a diagram? I knew it looked wrong but had to google to check why ok i should probs just stop looking at the topshop website i think about this a LOT I thought about this a LOT I want a dog more than I want a baby if I'm honest i want a pug even more than i wanted that coat i want plaid to be cool again I went there i'm all precious I'm bored now I'm now completely obsessed with Sugar btdubs I'm sure live sazz nights would be a draw though I'm working up to doing a unicorn I've got a whole lot of fucking shit ideagineering idiocracy if yellow makes me want to kill myself and gray makes me want to kill others what's the happy medium look like? For future ref if you can think of a better use of my time I would like to hear it if you're reading this Liam CALL ME im not fat im 'juicy' imdb suggestions are a little wack important issues ineptness intolerance irrational phobias it's still a great song though obviously James Franco Joel off of Neighbours joy ken dodd lady gaga makes me enjoy just being alive a bit league against puns let's not kid ourselves now ladies life fail like constantly just exhausting lil' miss rules and regs listicles literary poseurs alert lol black swan lol wut lols love yoooooou honeybun matthew perry maybe that's why I like him? meeting old crushes can surely only ever lead to bitter disappointment right? meh memories mind thoughts misanthropy moaning muscles bleugh my mum does the best impression nazis Nicolas Lyndhurst of course oh right yeah oh yeah opposite day Out of This World over thinking party of five pavements Perfect Strangers photobomb please dont squash my grape eyes in podcast pointless deaths pooping pop culture positive thinking post-modern self-obsession prettifying probably prometheus proustian rush puking puking noises quarter-life crisis rage blackout real talk really it says jazz but I'm busting chops today reasons why I do actually need other people in my life Reginald Perrin retro chic roast dinners role models romance ruining people's day with emotional outbursts is my new hobby ryan reynolds sazz's two cents sazzles on her soapbox science is tight seahorses seems about right seriously they are called Barbershizzle seriously though shit is wack sitcoms sitting down and having quiet time so is everyone coupled up so is everyone who doesn't answer questions on demand social recluse still not entirely happy being aligned with Adam Sandler stress dreams stupid mutherfucking brain man swooning that bitch knows her shit the animal kingdom loves lols too the answer to my last question is clearly 'yes' the future is always better the internet is CRAZY the list the more I think about it the more I want to do it the princess fantasy shit women put themselves through winds me the fuck up the worst therapy through animal observation there's a slight chance I'm a bit down today there's something very pleasing about the phrase 'peter sarsgaard in short shorts' things that are good made out of things that are bad this is getting weird now this is how chefs talk to each other this is how I want to be introduced before I enter rooms from now on this is how we do it this is really basic shizz right here this is the 7th time I've watched all the episodes of the gilmores in order this one is a keeper tho i don't get what's so funny about the serious bizness of cross stitch though I never styled my hair like Doc Brown so maybe that needs to be taken into consideration as well to a dinner party? seriously though to be completely fair it's not that far off the mark and I am in fact doing a counselling course toilet doors - what DONT they know?? total dudes travel broadens the mind tricking people into getting what I want true love truthbombs tummy feelings ugh um just not working at all actually um... everything unicorns vampires vincent cassel is totes crazy hot though wayne's world rules my life we need a Roseanne now more than ever weirdness what other jokes can I get made into a glorious reality??? what the fuck was I thinking? who buys this who knew? who WANTS this why yes I am in a moaning mood thank you for asking woo yum yums

A picture of a unicorn

A picture of a unicorn