Showing posts with label pop culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pop culture. Show all posts

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Pimento


I mean the post itself is great, sure. Anytime I get the 'Sabrina the Teenage Witch' or 'Two of a Kind' memory boxes lit up in my head it is a good day (which is interesting because for so long that period of my life was all wrapped up in angst and emo tummy feelings but now I think 'aww ne ne, I miss Napster and AOL chatrooms and Nickelodean when Simon Amstell was a presenter'). But jeez louise, the comments. THE COMMENTS ARE JUST... there are people who ACTUALLY REMEMBER with their MINDS that Teen Angel died because he ate an old hamburger that he found under his friends bed. The other thing I mainly recall from that show is that God's cousin 'Rod' (aka Shepherd from Firefly) and aforementioned Teen Angel (WHO I CRUSHED ON AND CRUSHED ON HARD) discussing something about olives and pimentos. I didn't even know what the flip they were chatting about at the time but now, whenever I see olives and pimentos, I think of Teen Angel.

(This is just in case you offer me olives stuffed with pimentos and instead of answering 'yes please!' I go into a silent wistful reverie. I will be thinking about a scene from a defunct teen sitcom that about 5 people in the UK watched where Ron Glass and a guy who ate an old hamburger and died - LOLS AHOY - are talking about stuff that I didn't really understand about when I first watched it. In case you were wondering.*)

*Normal. Completely normal.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Recommendation

I have never consumed something that made me feel so good about myself and my dating history before as 'I Don't Care About Your Band' by Julie Klausner did.

I read last night until I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer and then inexplicably woke up at 7.30am this morning because I think my subconscious was really desperate for me to get to the end of it. There is no other reason for me to be wide awake before 11 o'clock on a Sunday. As a piece of prose it's funny; sure, in fact it's very funny, I rarely laugh out loud at anything that strongly while I'm alone unless there's an old episode of the Simpsons on or I'm watching a cat drink out of the toilet on youtube but I laughed, proper belly laughed, loads whilst reading this. But that's only part of the reason it's so good, the other part, the main part is that I can relate. It's rare in literary or indeed ANY other pop culture mediums that I find a female protagonist I can understand and look at and go 'yes, that is me'. When people (men) look at me incredulously because in Lost I am Locke rather than Kate (fucking fuck you if you think I'm fucking Kate) and I'm plainly a girl rather than a bald man in his forties I get irrationally annoyed with their lack of imagination or understanding that gender roles, when we are looking at stories at least, mean SQUAT. It's the character, not the genitalia that counts you fucking dumb motherfucking assholes, stop telling me who I can be! So yeah, to find this thing, this book, this piece of art that speaks to me on a million different levels AND makes me feel better about who I am, AND makes me feel inspired AND IT'S WRITTEN BY A GIRL AND ABOUT GIRL THINGS?!?!! Well I just blew my load all over the shop. Figuratively speaking of course.

If Tucker Max is The Worst (and he fucking is), then this is the diametrically opposed yin to that yang. It is, most definitely The Best. Should any of you want an insight into me and who I am and how I react and respond to the dating world then this is like a blow-by-blow account that explains everything in very simple, easy-to-understand hilarious terms so for that Sazz 101 class you've been failing this is the quick route to your A+. Even those of you not enrolled in that class I would still highly recommend it.

Finally!

I don't mean to freak y'all out but SEAN CONNERY LEGO EXISTS. And, not only that BUT I OWN IT. Ignore the wardrobe shit NOW my life is complete.

Friday, 12 February 2010

In summary


Anita Miller: FECK YOU!
Elaine Miller: HEY!
Anita Miller: This is a house of lies!
Elaine Miller: Well there it is, your sister used the "F" word.
Young William: I think she said "feck."
Elaine Miller: What's the difference?
Young William: The letter "u."


Anita Miller: What about me?
Elaine Miller: You are rebellious and ungrateful of my love.


Elaine Miller: If you get lost, use the family whistle!

There are three quotes in the film Almost Famous that basically sum up everything you need to know about my family dynamics (pre-step family).

(Yes, we do have a family whistle.)

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Good point, well made.

I mean, I love this movie. Sorry, but I do. However, it had never occured to me before that yes, maybe it is a bit weird that there is only one pair of gloves in Bloomingdales that would be suitable for the hands of both John Corbett and Bridget Moyahan. And not just suitable, but appropriate and thoughtful enough that both John Corbett and Bridget Moyahan would be thrilled to receive such a gift come Christmas morning. I can tell you now future suitors, should you want to impress me with your gift-buying prowess, then a lame-ass pair of black gloves that can fit the hands of John Corbett (a very big, tall, solid MAN with, presumably, large hands to boot) is not gonna fly. Similarly, any girls out there who think their man will want a pair of gloves that fit the hands of the dainty, feminine Bridget Moyahan maybe need to spend more time actually getting to know their beau (and recognising he would NEVER want such a shitty, thoughtless present FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND of all people -may be acceptable from his Great Aunt Sally - cos that bitch is crazy and lives in Wichita and he hasn't seen him since he was 3. But this is his GIRLFRIEND we are talking about) instead of writing your name and number on copies on a pretty good book and flirting with strangers who are themselves already dating giant man-hand women.

I think this movie should have ended up with Corbett and Bridget getting it on. Think of the money they would save buying gloves!

Monday, 11 January 2010

Real Talk

Sazz says:
also i think we should all go see its complicated
the mumest movie to end all mum movies
kieran says:
i know right
except
Sazz says:
but STARRING JACK DONAGHY
kieran says:
I KNOW
JACK
Sazz says:
RIGHT???
kieran says:
jackie boy
Sazz says:
totes
mgoats
kieran says:
ergo it must be good

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Thursday, 17 December 2009

Killing in what name now?

Um, I don't mean to come across as a total dick (LIE) but this whole 'RATM to Number 1 for Xmas' thing that you kids are doing... you err... how do I bring this up delicately... um, you know that RATM are on the same label as the X Factor Gayface* dude right? You have basically just doubley lined Simon Cowell's pockets in time for Christmas. So, you know, well done on that score if that was what you were after (though I suspect not).

I'm not even saying I don't like the song you 'randomly' 'chose' for your 'anarchic' 'campaign', I like it as much as anyone that voluntarily bought purple Doc Martins in her youth (and actually WORE them OUTSIDE the house!), I'm just saying it wouldn't surprise me if this was some Josie and the Pussycats shit you know? Like, some machivellian genius with a lisp (aka Parker Posey) is inflitrating the youth on two fronts - the X Factor 'conformist' fans and the RATM 'non-conformists' in order to maximise profits and subliminally sell you stuff you don't need. I think my man Eugene Levy explains this best...



Anyway all I want you to acknowledge is that the last time anyone was part of an 'anarchic' 'collective' that anyone 'cared' about they were members of Chumbawumba. So enjoy that acolade: 'The Next Chumbawumba'. Awesome.**

*Seriously seriously severe case of gayface going on there THOUGH OF COURSE HE IS AS STRAIGHT AS THE NEXT GUY *whispers* who just so happens to be George Micheal coughcough
**Should probs mention that that Miley Cyrus song Gayface is trying to shill sucks BIG GIANT BALLS. Like REALLY MASSIVE balls so I don't give a shit if it doesn't make it to number one. In fact, I'd rather listen to RATM than that any day of the week... So, I'm not really sure what my point is. Err... carry on 'Chumbawumba 2: Armed and Fabulous' I guess.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Missing you like candy

Just watching this AWFUL 10 year old dance movie (that I'd been craving to see and have been downloading over the last 3 days and now it's complete I'm the happiest I've ever been. Might watch it again later. Sandy Cohen as the head of a prominent dance school? Number of lols = incalculable) and this song came on when the kinda main girl goes to this gay little dance class and I'd forgotten how much I love this jam.



Mandy Moore is my homegurl.

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Monday, 14 December 2009

This...



really reminds me of this...



I'm guessing that was unintentional.
[Via]

Monday, 23 November 2009

Cherry Cherry

This just totally cheered me right up



Did you know that Neil Diamond is a white witch and puts magic in his songs and that's why they make you feel so good when you listen to them? TRUTHS.



Sazz fact: I actually quite fancy Jason Biggs when he has Neil Diamond hair.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Colby

David Lynch made a short film about a Christian computer starring a young Biff Tannen.

Get ready for your soul to cry.



[Via]

Friday, 13 November 2009

When it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun

It's really difficult for me to communicate effectively just how much I love Lady Gaga. My love is true and real and undying (for now).

The only thing I can liken this feeling to is when I see those pictures of cute puppies or kittens and I just want to squeeeeze them and squeeeeeze them because I love them SO MUCH. That's me and Gaga right there. Everything about her - the clothes, the interviews, the music, the body. Rarely does one see such a perfectly put-together pop package. Every fiber in my soul vibrates with happy that she exists.

Part of this is that I have this deep love affair I have with witnessing someone working out all the elements and putting them all together in a way that actually works. So many times in life you come across someone or something where everything you could want is there but just not utilized effectively enough, or has one small ingredient missing that causes it too just miss the ark and become merely ordinary when it could be extraordinary. Last year the bro and I would every so often stumble across a bar (headphones rock bar in Barcelona), a hostel (The Loft in Budapest), or a restaurant (God bless you outskirts of Prague where everything was a gazillion times cheaper and cooler) where someone had totally tapped into the zeitgeist of particular European cities and clearly really understood their audience whether by design or happenstance (a result of which was us having about fifty billion brilliant business ideas of which I can remember precisely one - opening a diner like Luke's because the world needs somewhere you can get coffee and pancakes from 6am to 11pm that isn't affiliated with MacDonalds like, yesterday) and I loved that. I loved that there were these little corners where something approaching perfection existed and I get that same feeling whenever Lady Gaga comes into my life. She totally gets it. She understands the importance of being silly. That frivolity is not triviality. That high art and low art are as vital as one another.

I think I felt this way about Britney a million years ago. Man I was in love with her. She had kind of a weird face, a very aesthetically pleasing and beautifully proportioned body, and made pop music that actually made my heart beat faster (check, check, check on the Gaga list) but Britney always gave the impression of one being controlled by outside elements whereas Gaga appears to be a creation of her own fair hand.

Whatever your own feelings might be about her nothing will dissuade me that she is as close as pop gets to transcending every boundary we have in place that keeps the men from the women, the talented from the fame hungry, the intelligentsia from the philistines.

Plus, you know, she can really wail. Whilst wearing elephants on her head no less.


Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Oy Vey!

This movie looks gay.



Rhymez AND lazy cultural stereotypes?!?!?!! I'M THERE!!!!!1!!!

It is nice that members of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy that are not Carson Kressley are still getting work.

Friday, 6 November 2009

New Loon

I always thought it was Robert Patterson. Patterson is a nice sounding name. If you whisper it fast lots of times, you sound like a train (that is how I gage how nice a word is: does it sound like a train if you say it quietly lots of times? Yes? Good word. c.f. 'serendipity', 'chubby', 'syllable'. Does it make you throw up in your mouth when you see, hear, or say it? Not a good word. c.f. 'clunge', 'moist', 'ointment'*).

Imagine my shock and dismay when I discover it's Robert PattINson! That is not a name that trips easily off the tongue. I have to concentrate and over enunciate every syllable. It bothers me. 'Patt-in-son'. It requires effort and thought. Considerably much more effort and thought and pre-planning than Patterson which is as easy as a two-bit whore.

In summary, Twilight ruins everything. I'm not sure how this is your fault exactly Twilight but I know I blame you anyway. I will also not be asking Robert Pattinson to be my husband - it would never work if I had to think about saying his name that much: 'How are you my husband Mr Robert Patt-in-son?' / 'Mr Robert Patt-in-son, would you mind doing the dishes tonight seeing as I fucking cooked AGAIN?' / 'I'm going out. No I don't know where. Look, this just isn't working Mr Robert Patt-in-son. I hate saying your name - it's too stressful! I want a divorce! Also, you still haven't done those fucking dishes and your hair looks too intricately tousled for someone so obviously trying to affect an air of slacker nonchalance. I don't know why I married you in the first place Mr Robert Patt-in-son!'

See?

Breathe easy Kristen 'you look totally lesbian-y, you sure you're straight?' Stewart - your man is safe!

*Oh god now I've written it those words are going to be in my head for the rest of the day. That means my mouth will also be filled with sick for the rest of day!

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

The sun and moon sing their own sweet tune

I just watched this



and now it has made me sing this

Also made me want to fall in love with a complicated French girl with bad teeth on a train to Vienna rather than a douchey American that wears leather in summer but we all had that reaction right? Not just me? Cool beans.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

I'm Fucking Out, You're Fucking In

I had totally forgotten that Kenny Powers was in Saved by the Bell: The College Years.



If there is one thing sexier than a gelled curly mullet... well, there is nothing sexier than a gelled curly mullet. Fact.